Weekly news wrap-up

 SUICIDE IS PAINLESS?

 12/5/2009

     The Han River cuts through Seoul and has 28 bridges linking North and South Seoul.  Last year 475 people jumped from them to their deaths.  As of September this year, 479 people had jumped.  Seoul's fourth oldest bridge, the Mapo Bridge, is a favorite for these leapers of faithlessness.  Between January 2007 and September 2009, 1,445 eliminated themselves from the human gene pool by leaping from these 28 bridges.  Thirteen percent of them, 191, chose the Mapo Bridge to end it all.  The Han Bridge came in second with 151. 

 OVERPRICED CAFFEINE ADDICTION 

 12/8/2009

      Korea's 11 largest coffee franchises have 1,392 branches across the peninsula.  These 11 took in 29 percent of the 1.9 trillion won ($1.6 billion) of coffee sales last year (550 billion won).  Starbucks took in 171 billion won of that alone.  Here's the breakdown of stores: 

Starbucks:  310

Hollys:  213

Angel-In-Us:  211 

Coffee Bean:  185

Tom N Toms:  149

Davinci Coffee:  105

Caffe Bene:  100

Twosome Place:  51

Pascucci:  43

Cafe Daily:  18

PLEASE!!! 

 12/10/2009

      South Korea is going to implement a ban on smoking at all public indoor and outdoor places.  I really hope this happens, although I have my doubts.  The nation's establishment of non-smoking areas several years ago never materialized.  No-smoking signs in Korea are always ignored by the cancerous masses.  Taxi drives smoke in non-smoking cabs.  My students smoke in the stairwells of buildings on campus next to a trio of "No-Smoking" signs.  When you go to a PC-bang (computer room) and ask for a seat in the non-smoking section, the attendant gives you an ashtray.  Koreans are caught smoking or trying to smoke aboard airplanes more than any other nationality.  So, yes, I have my doubts.  But I would like to see this happen as the country finally begins to realize the seriousness of the idiocracy of smoking.  Smoking related diseases kill 50,000 people annually in Korea. 

 BELL COMES TO SOJUTOWN?

12/12/2009
     Taco Bell is returning to South Korea after a 20-year absence!  Yes, Korea has them on its American military bases, but the last one off-post closed two decades ago.  On March 1, 2010, Taco Bell returns to the masses.  I can't wait to get my hands on some of their nasty, although inescapable, fast food version of Mexican food.  Considering that Korea has only two good Mexican restaurants, La Casa in Songtan and Dos Tacos near the Kyobo Tower at Kangnam Station, I'm certain Korea's sizable expat community will welcome Taco Bell's return with open arms and mouths.  The EV Boys have finally been heard. 

INCHEON THE BEST

12/12/2009
     Business Traveler Magazine has voted Korea's Incheon International Airport the best in the world along with Singapore's Changi Airport and Dubai International Airport.  Journalists and industry professionals picked the winners in a global survey.  

I WAS RIGHT!

12/12/2009      Korean actress Yang Mi-ra has returned to television after taking a two-year break due to the plastic surgery she had in 2007.  She said that she did it to change her image.  I guess this means that she did it so sensible people wouldn't respect her as much.  The vague article doesn't say what happened other than that people were unhappy with the changes she made.  They should simply be angry that another pretard with emotional issues blew a wad of cash to placate her ego.  

MORE MORONS

12/12/2009     Korea's Joongang Daily carried an article about what has to be the two least intelligent girls in the country.  A pretarded teenage girl slit one of her wrists and used her blood to finger paint a love letter to a member of one of Korea's boy band clones, MBLAQ.  She didn't even mail the letter to the effeminate center of her affections.  Instead, she uploaded five photos of it to the Internet. 
    In her letter, she mentioned the stupidity of a fellow pretarded teenager who had done something similar on November 29.  This other person I hope doesn't reproduce uploaded pictures of a letter written to Ok Taek-yeon, another lady-boy-esque member of 2PM.  Only this girl was slightly smarter, if not more grotesque about it.  She wrote hers in menstrual blood.  The MBLAQ fan wrote, “What’s up with Ok Taek-yeon menstrual blood letter? If you’re going do one, at least do it right. Menstrual blood? Act your age. I wanted to show how to do it better.”  I hope these idiots manage to remove themselves from the gene pool rather quickly. 

peace,

Nut

Brett in Korea!

THE BRETT HAS LANDED

 12/12/2009
Brett landed last night and is here to tear up Asia with me for the next five weeks!  We started our whirlwind tour with beef ribs at Seoul Galbi and then met up with the Bottom of the Hill Boys at the Can House for Simon and Kamama's farewell party.  We hung out until 0400.  Brett is still passed out as he attempts to overcome jet lag and an all-nighter in Kangnam Maeul. 

peace,

Nut

SNL parodies the Clownz!

12/7/2009
     Many props to Saturday Night Live for doing a wickid parody of the ad for Psychopathic Records' 2009 Gathering of the Juggalos!


This is the original GOTJ commercial:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IXkbB2YdDs

This is SNL's parody: http://www.yout...ube.com/watch?v=6nOggOheKBo

 peace,

Nut 

I HANG MY HEAD

12/2/2009
     Today I mourn the completed downfall of my second degree, journalism.  The Korea Times carried an "article" today I couldn't believe.  The "story" was based on a Twatter from Paris Hilton.  Written by someone who obviously has no clue who that semi-pretarded skank is, had the balls to call her an "American actress and singer."  The Twatter in question read:  "Go see Ninja Assassin, awesome movie!:)."  From this six-word blurb from a brain-dead slag, the article's unnamed author decided unilaterally that she meant this to show her "affection" (their word, not mine) for one of the movie's stars, Rain.  Rain (whose Koren name is pronounced "Pee") is one of Korea's top actors and lip-syncers.  If you've never been to Korea, then the only two possibilities of recognition of him would have come from either Stephen Colbert's mocking of him or from his minor role in one of the worst movies ever made, Speed Racer.  The article said her Twatter showed her "affection" for him, but I wonder if the upright comatose bimbo even knows who starred in it.

PERVERTS PHINALLY PAY UP

12/2/2009
     Korea has long been very lenient on rapists and pedophiles.  The times they are a changing.  A court just sentenced a 31-year-old man to 20 years for raping an eight-year-old girl.  Additionally, he will have to wear an electronic monitoring device for seven years and have his criminal and personal information available to the public for five years after his release.  I would do a lot worse to him, but at least it's a start.  And thinking of it...

KOREA MULLS GETTING TOUGH ON PERVERTS

12/2/2009
     Korea's government is thinking that even the 20 years they just gave a child rapist isn't enough yet.  This all comes from a very easy 12 years given to a child molester who left the eight-year-old girl he assaulted physically disabled (he destroyed 80 of her colon and genital organs). They are now looking at possibly giving these monsters up to 50 years behind bars followed by 30 years of constant electronic monitoring.  A conviction could even include chemical castration "if necessary."  I think that it is...


peace,

Nut

More Korea Times failures and hatred

LEE HYO-HE?

11/30/2009 

     My favorite daily funny paper, the Korea Times, had a great story about Lee Hyo-ri's return from the U.S.  For those of you who don't know, Lee is Korea's version of Madonna.  She's one of the top pop singers in the country who used to be pretty hot.  Like Madonna, the older she gets, the skankier she gets.  This article claimed that Lee "returned to Seoul Sunday from his 20-day trip to the United States."  I didn't know  that Lee was a man.  Thank you, Korea Times.  

 A LOSING WIN?

12/1/2009
     The Korea Times is as funny as Fox News is scary.  A headline yesterday declared:  "Seo Wins Miss Int'l".  Miss International is one of the three largest female objectification pageants.  Seo Eun-mi placed second in the masturbatory competition of fake women with fake surgeries and fake attitudes.  Only in Korea would a newspaper claim that the first loser was the winner.

MORE BARBIE HATE

12/1/2009
     I have said it many times before:  I have zero respect for people who undergo elective plastic surgery.  Ironically, I live in South Korea, one of the top two or three countries in the world in terms of the number of elective surgeries performed per capita.  Last year this nation of 50 million people imported enough Botox to inject 400-500,000 people.  Korea also imported enough silicone to give 14,000 insecure, emotionally screwy women fake boobs.  Korea estimates its plastic surgery market to be worth around W1 trillion.

UPDATE 12/1/2009
     I didn't have this up post up for more than a few hours before the Korea Times carried news of a former Miss Argentina dying of complications from an ass surgery.  1994 Miss Argentina, Solange Magnano, had a gluteoplasty involving shots of liquid into her butt.  The injections made their way to her lungs and brains causing a lethal pulmonary embolism.  The story included a quote from her friend, Roberto Piazza. "A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind," said Piazza.  A mother of twins threw her life away over vanity and a tighter ass.  You'll get no sympathy here. 

peace,

Nut

Konglish Death Threat

Konglish Death Threat

11/27/2009
     ATEK (Association for Teachers of English in Korea) must be doing something right.  Our new president (yes, I'm a member), Greg Dolezal, received an emailed death threat this week from one of the paranoid, racist, xenophobic members of the AES (Anti-English Spectrum) group.  The AES is an online organization of foreigner-hating Koreans who stalk us and go through our garbage in half-ass attempts to find reasons to toss "illegal teachers" out of THEIR country.  In their eyes, all of the nearly 43,000 foreign English teachers in Korea are drug-abusing, HIV/AIDS-infested, sexual molesting, pedophiles with fake degrees who violate the "Korean moral code."  This is rather ironic.  It wasn't that long ago that I read an article about a Korean man who abducted a teenage girl, tied her to a bed in an apartment and rented her out to hundreds of Korean men.  Not one foreigner.  The pervert kept a list.  It included Korean doctors, teachers, lawyers and assorted businessmen.  Not one foreigner.

     Getting back on track, one AES member has formed his own group, the KEK (Kill White in Korea).  He sent the following threat to Dolezal:

"I have organized the KEK (Kill White in Korea). This group of people is about 200 in anywhere in Korea. We will gonna start to kill and hit White (expletives) english spectrum from this Chirstmas. Don't make a fuss in there, just get out."

     I think that maybe some of this wacko's rage stems from his lack of English education.  If you're going to go to all the trouble of issuing a death threat, don't be lazy about it.  Take some pride in your work! 

peace,

Nut

Dliminate Violence Against Bad English

 Dliminate Violence Against Bad English

11/27/2009
     The morons at The Korea Times have done it again.  They posted a political cartoon for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.  The cartoon itself is pretty funny.  Even funnier is the title the Times gave to the page in question.  The called it:

International Day for the Dlimination of Violence

    Does the Times not have spell check or an editor?  They will change in a couple of hours after somebody reads the user comments at the bottom of the page from people mocking their shabby newspaper.

peace,

Nut

Miss Plastic Korea 1998

I HATE BARBIES

11/27/2009

     Beauty queens are not known for their intelligence.  Lee Hye-won proves that.  Miss Korea 1998, she is married to Ahn Jung-hwan, a Korean soccer player playing for a Chinese team.  This vapid idiot made a very strange response to something posted on a Chinese website.  The posting said: 

"Ms. Lee is the representative cosmetic beauty from the wives of the world's sports stars. She, albeit a 1998 Miss Korea beauty, is one of those who show Korea's excellent cosmetic surgery skills."

     To me, this posting compliments the abilities of Korea's plastic surgeons.  The moron who wrote this is applauding women with self-esteem problems who hire "quality" plastic surgeons.  Lee proved my assumptions correct when she responded to this on her blog.  Instead of trying to deny or defend any plastic surgery procedures she has undergone, she made this completely f*cked comment:

"Now I know why people have chosen death."

What the hell?!  Is she justifying suicide over plastic surgery accusations?  What a plastic nut job!  If she now knows why "people have chosen death," then she might as well join them.

peace,

Nut

Random local flavor

KOREAN CANCER MERCHANTS

11/23/2009
This is a good one. Two North Korean diplomats were arrested in Sweden for smuggling 230,000 cigarettes into the country. Where it gets good is that they are not accredited diplomats in Sweden, only in Russia. This negates the diplomatic immunity they have claimed. Sweden is one the seven countries with an embassy in North Korea. I love anybody associated with cigarettes getting what they deserve, be it cancer or an arrest record.

UNDER WHERE?

11/24/2009
Korean police have arrested a 48-year-old married man for stealing 285 pieces of women's underwear during home burglaries. He supposedly took in them in over 30 burglaries and are estimated to be worth 3.5 million won. What the hell? I buy my boxers three for ten dollars. That's less than a thousand dollars. This guy was thugging some classy drawers!

KOREA'S MISSIONARY POSITION

11/25/09
Korea's government is considering passing legislation to protect some of its citizens too ignorant to protect themselves. A new bill would ban Koreans for one-three years from returning to countries they have been deported from. Specifically, they are gearing this towards the country's fanatical missionaries who constantly travel to the Middle East to try to sell their god to locals. They are often deported (80 from the Middle East in the past three months). The more than 20,000 Korean missionaries working abroad frequently become targets of other religious zealots. Four Koreans died in Yemen in a March bombing. A female was killed in June. Afghan Taliban soldiers kidnapped 23 Korean missionaries in 2007 and killed two of them. Korea responded by withdrawing its army medics and engineers stationed there.

I have no sympathy for these morons. Missionaries are a horrible lot of zealots. Yes, they do do some good work these days in some third-world places, but religion is the cause of many of the world's problems. Religion is responsible for most of mankind's wars through history. It is responsible for uncounted deaths. And it isn't over yet. The kooks in the Vatican still don't people using condoms to prevent the spread of preventable diseases. How can anybody justify this? Missionaries who travel all the way to another country to explain to people how the god they believe isn't as good as the god the missionaries are trying to sell them deserve to suffer the full repercussions of their actions.

peace,

Nut

"I suck nuts."

"I SUCK NUTS."

9/13/09 –samiam
“Korea is gay.” This is one of many hellified ironic and screwed up statements made by Park Jae-beom four years ago privately on Myspace that forced him to decide to run away from Korea and return to his native America. Jae-beom was the ambiguously gay leader of one of Korea’s multitude of ambiguously gay boy-bands, 2PM. He wrote that along with many other hate-filled, prejudiced and just plain pretarded comments when he first came to Korea four years ago as a high school student specifically to be groomed to be in a boy-band.

“I hate Koreans. I wanna come back.” He also wrote these comments, along with the first, between 2005 and 2007. I understand that it must be difficult for an American high school student to move to Korea and witness the homoeroticism that is the Korean high school classroom, but when you are being groomed to be showcased in the public spotlight, part of that training should include when to shut your mouth and when to stifle your typing.

He came to Korea in 2005 after breakdancing in Seattle to pass and audition by JYP USA (a US group of a Korean entertainment management company). An article in the Korea Times called his group a band of “seven pretty young men.” Only when talking about lip-syncing, talentless boy- and girl-bands, can you describe a group by only mentioning their physical appearances. Also, it’s very easy to do this and get it completely wrong.

Koreans have been attacking him online in droves. They accuse him of being “another American who just came to Korea to make money.” I like this accusation particularly because it was a Korean boy-band manufacturing company that recruited him and brought him over to dance like a puppet with a half-pound of makeup to generic “DDR”-like moves in androgynous clothing to please children aged eight to 40.

“U.S. citizens who don’t even serve their military duties should hurry up and go back home,” was another online quote from an idiot who had no clue as to what the hell they were talking about. Talentless hack he might have been, Jae-beom was born and raised in Seattle. Unlike actual Koreans, he doesn’t have to serve in the Korea, or any other, military.

Undoubtedly, my favorite quote came from the Backstreet Boy wannabe himself: "Korea is whack, but everyone thinks I'm like the illest rapper when I suck nuts at rapping." Really? Is he from 1992? Did he get his haircut from Play’s barber after he had a stroke? He admits to sucking nuts and calls Korea gay? Good luck being a nobody in America, you poser.

It’s amazing and ironic that a “man” could go around looking like this and say, “Korea is gay.”

peace,

Nut

UPDATE: 11/25/2009

The Joongang Daily website gave an angry story about Jae-beom's "who-gives-a-sh*t" return to Korean television tonight. The paper said that Koreans are not happy that the cable network, tVN, is running a video of him back in his hometown of Seattle. A preview showed him working part-time at a car repair shop there. Can I call it, or can I call it?