"I suck nuts."

"I SUCK NUTS."

9/13/09 –samiam
“Korea is gay.” This is one of many hellified ironic and screwed up statements made by Park Jae-beom four years ago privately on Myspace that forced him to decide to run away from Korea and return to his native America. Jae-beom was the ambiguously gay leader of one of Korea’s multitude of ambiguously gay boy-bands, 2PM. He wrote that along with many other hate-filled, prejudiced and just plain pretarded comments when he first came to Korea four years ago as a high school student specifically to be groomed to be in a boy-band.

“I hate Koreans. I wanna come back.” He also wrote these comments, along with the first, between 2005 and 2007. I understand that it must be difficult for an American high school student to move to Korea and witness the homoeroticism that is the Korean high school classroom, but when you are being groomed to be showcased in the public spotlight, part of that training should include when to shut your mouth and when to stifle your typing.

He came to Korea in 2005 after breakdancing in Seattle to pass and audition by JYP USA (a US group of a Korean entertainment management company). An article in the Korea Times called his group a band of “seven pretty young men.” Only when talking about lip-syncing, talentless boy- and girl-bands, can you describe a group by only mentioning their physical appearances. Also, it’s very easy to do this and get it completely wrong.

Koreans have been attacking him online in droves. They accuse him of being “another American who just came to Korea to make money.” I like this accusation particularly because it was a Korean boy-band manufacturing company that recruited him and brought him over to dance like a puppet with a half-pound of makeup to generic “DDR”-like moves in androgynous clothing to please children aged eight to 40.

“U.S. citizens who don’t even serve their military duties should hurry up and go back home,” was another online quote from an idiot who had no clue as to what the hell they were talking about. Talentless hack he might have been, Jae-beom was born and raised in Seattle. Unlike actual Koreans, he doesn’t have to serve in the Korea, or any other, military.

Undoubtedly, my favorite quote came from the Backstreet Boy wannabe himself: "Korea is whack, but everyone thinks I'm like the illest rapper when I suck nuts at rapping." Really? Is he from 1992? Did he get his haircut from Play’s barber after he had a stroke? He admits to sucking nuts and calls Korea gay? Good luck being a nobody in America, you poser.

It’s amazing and ironic that a “man” could go around looking like this and say, “Korea is gay.”

peace,

Nut

UPDATE: 11/25/2009

The Joongang Daily website gave an angry story about Jae-beom's "who-gives-a-sh*t" return to Korean television tonight. The paper said that Koreans are not happy that the cable network, tVN, is running a video of him back in his hometown of Seattle. A preview showed him working part-time at a car repair shop there. Can I call it, or can I call it?