#230 Boiling Over...

THE ANSWER IS 12

#230 Boiling Over...

Welcome to the Show...

6/13/10
     This semester has dwindled down to its final week.  I couldn't be happier.  This semester has been a long pain in my bottom. I have never before had students who displayed such a lack of respect and manners.  Many of them are in for unpleasant surprises when they get around to finally checking their grades.  This has been the single most difficult semester of my eight-year career.  It doesn't help that I'm pretty certain that the school made a mistake when placing most of our students this semester.
     Mom gets in on Wednesday to kick off a seven-week vacation.  We've got Seoul, Manila, Kuching, Kuala Lumpur, Bali, and at least one more, as-of-yet-unnamed city on our itinerary.  Dad is going to hang out with the Brights and Cutitz while she's gone.
    The trip starts with six days in Manila with Cheeri, Chelo and the Voice of Reason.  Mom, Cheeri, Chelo, Voice, and I will meet Cooter in Kuching for the 2010 InterHash.  I'm also expecting to see quite a few Korean Hashers (past and current) in Malaysia.  Mom and I are going to take a few days to relax in KL after the madness of InterHash's alcoholism, nudity and dirty ditties.  Cooter is going to climb a mountain.  We'll see him again in Bali.  He leaves for the U.S. a week later.  Mom and I have another two weeks to kill after he departs, but we haven't exactly figured out what we're doing yet.
    I'm ready for the insanity to get underway. 

By the Numbers...

8  :  Number of Koreans found dead after successfully completing a suicide pact today (5/13) in two groups.  They were all in their 20s.  One note left said they felt bad for their parents and blamed it on their inability to find a job.
26  :  Number of suicides per 100,000 people in Korea.  
1  :  Korea's rank in number of suicides among the 33 Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) countries.
200,000  :  Fine, in KRW, to be imposed on drivers caught not pulling over or getting out of the way of firetrucks by cameras to be installed on firetrucks here in August.
16  :  Number of screens at the Megabox theater which opened as the largest multiplex in Asia at Seoul's COEX Mall in 2000.
4,218  :  Seating capacity of the COEX Megabox.
50,000,000  :  Number of total moviegoers who have visited the COEX Megabox.  They hit this milestone in January.
32,617  :  World record for most moviegoers in a single day, hit on July 31, 2004.
4.5  :  Number, in trillions, of cigarette butts that "find their way into the environment" annually, not that we needed yet another reason to hate smokers.
300  :  Number, in millions, of smokers in China alone.
60  :  Percentage of Chinese men who smoke.
15  :  Average number of cigarettes smoked by those Chinese men.
1,500  :  Price, in U.S. dollars, of female North Korean refugees being sold in China. 
75  :  Price, in U.S. dollars, paid by marriage brokers in the 1980s for North Korean women.
150  :  Price, in U.S. dollars, North Korean women sold for in the 1980s. 
50-100,000  :  Estimated number of North Korean refugees in China.
80  :  Percentage of North Korean refugees in China who are women.
90  :  Percentage of female North Korean refugees in China who end up falling victim to human trafficking.
500  :  Estimated number of kidneys stolen from day laborers and homeless people at a hospital in Gurgaon, just outside of New Delhi over the past decade.
50,000  :  Profit, in U.S. dollars, made by doctors for each kidney stolen and sold.
1,000  :  Profit, in U.S. dollars, made by unlicensed doctors for each kidney stolen and sold.
98  :  Percentage of Koreans aged 15 to 24 who believe their parents should pay for their college tuition.
86.7  :  Percentage of Koreans aged 15 to 24 who believe their parents should cover the costs for their wedding.
75  :  Percentage of elementary, middle and high school students in Korea receiving some form of private education.
242,000  :  Average amount, in KRW, spent monthly by Korean families on private education in 2009.
10.8  :  Average number of hours Korean teens spend online weekly. 
85  :  Percentage of Korean college students who have blogs.
39  :  Percentage of Korean elementary school students who shop online.
20,000  :  Average, in KRW, spent monthly online by Korean elementary school students.
11,680  :  Number of foreigners with permanent residency status in Korea who are eligible to vote in the June 2 elections.  In 2006, Korea introduce a new law giving voting rights to foreigners with permanent residency status for three years.
255,501  :  Seoul's foreign resident population in the first quarter of this year.  
266,268  :  Seoul's foreign resident population in the first quarter of 2009.  
164,960  :  Number of ethnic Koreans making up Seoul's foreign resident population.  
26,277  :  Number of Chinese making up Seoul's foreign resident population. 
13,277  :  Number of Americans making up Seoul's foreign resident population.  
10.46  :  Total population, in millions, of Seoul in the first quarter of this year. 
10.49  :  Total population, in millions, of Seoul in the first quarter of 2009.  
23,230  :  Number of lost items found on Seoul's subway lines 1 through 8 during the first four months of this year.  
6,220  :  Number of lost bags found on Seoul's subway lines 1 through 8 during the first four months of this year. 
4,181  :  Number of lost cell phones found on Seoul's subway lines 1 through 8 during the first four months of this year. 
1,276  :  Number of people who lost cash on Seoul's subway lines 1 through 8 during the first four months of this year, totaling 84 million won ($76,000).  
47.7  :  Percentage of Korean adults who smoke.  
21  :  Percentage of Korean second-year male high school students who smoke. 
3.03  :  Percentage of Korean women who admit to smoking while pregnant according to a recent survey.  I hate smokers.  
1.16  :  Number, in millions, of foreigners living in Korea.  
910,000  :  Number of foreigners in Korea with a cell phone subscription.  There should be more, because if you're a teacher who's been here for more than a year, you shouldn't have a pay-as-you-go phone.  
14,579  :  Number of Koreans who committed suicide in 2009.  
12,270  :  Number of Koreans who committed suicide in 2008.  
 186  :  Average amount, in millions of KRW, needed by Korean couples to get married and begin their post-wedding life together.  The majority of that usually goes towards the gigantic "key money" deposit required to rent apartments here.  
444  :  Estimated sales for 2010, in millions of US dollars, of condoms in America.   
38.5  :  Percentage of sexually active American high school students stupid enough to have sex without condoms.  

Mental Midgets in the Middle East...
or
Should Have Let Saddam Stay...

4/15/10 

    CNN.com posted a story that proves we have lost Iraq.  We didn't lose to Saddam, poor planning or WMDs.  We lost to the ignorance and vanity of the masses.  Plastic surgery is becoming the voice of freedom for many Iraqis.  The story mentions a 15-year-old who was unhappy with her first nose job and is ready to under the knife again.  Iraqi doctors have honed their skills for decades helping people mutilated during the violence and wars that have ravaged the ancient lands for so long.  Now they are wasting their talents on uppity people with mental health issues projected onto their bodies.  Yeah freedom!  Welcome to the douchepacalypse. 

People Getting What They Deserve...

2/25/10 

    Korea has arrested five Koreans teaching at hagwons for a variety of offenses.  The five routinely met up in Gangnam, Sinchon and Hongdae to do meth and hit some reefer.  They sold the drugs to each other according to police for 850,000KRW ($756) a gram.  Worse than that, these geniuses all had fake graduate certificates in English literature or education they'd bought from www.phonydiploma.com for $240-300 each.
    Korea is going to extradite a 24-year-old kyopo to the U.S. to face murder charges.  The former L.A. gang member was arrested here on drug charges while using a fake diploma to work at a Suwon hagwon.  The U.S. says he is accused of stabbing a man to death in July 2006.  He was arrested with a second fomer kyopo gang member.  Korean police booked them both on drug charges and for using fake degrees. 

How Stupid Are You?...

5/11/10
     Police in Seoul arrested a 16-year-old girl with the family name, Choi, in March for selling sex to adult men online.  The girl was held for 23 days in a cell with five women in Uiwang City.  The police moved her to a cell for men when they realized that she was actually a boy after fingerprinting her/him.  He was soliciting men online, meeting them at love motels and then running away with their wallets as they showered.  He wasn't fingerprinted until late April because he had told police that he was a she.  Korea doesn't issue resident identification cards until people turn 18, so fingerprinting is the only way to identify minors.  I still don't understand why they didn't fingerprint the little cross-dressing thief when they first caught him. 

One of America's Greatest 
Embarrassments...

5/13/10 

    Richard M. Nixon was president during portions of two wars the United States of America should never have gotten involved and have lost.  The first was the Vietnam War.  The second, America's War on Drugs.  He didn't start 'Nam, but he did start America's budget busting propaganda war against marijuana in 1970.  During Nixon's first year, he wasted $100 million attacking the pot-smoking hippies protesting the Southeast Asian nonsense that can be traced back to the Woodrow Wilson's warlord rule.  The current budget is $15.1 billion.  This is still 31 times more than Nixon's first budget even after adjusting it for inflation.  Interdiction and law enforcement consume $10 billion of the current budget. 
    America's War on Drugs has made a difference.  It has imprisoned millions of ganja smokers.  It has destroyed families.  It has done almost as much damage as the drugs themselves and probably more.  It hasn't affected decades of doctor-enabled prescription pill addiction.  It hasn't helped the children of lazy parents who are more than happy to have doctors drug them after giving them a half-assed diagnosis of being a kid.  It hasn't helped glaucoma, AIDS, HIV, migraine, or cancer patients who could use marijuana to improve their quality of life. 
     Here's some other facts about the past 40 years that should drive you street angry enough to hoist pitchforks and torches while demanding every member of our government resign:

• We have given $20 billion to other countries to fight the war on drugs on their own turf.  
• Columbia received $6 billion to fight cocoa production, which rose during that time.  Although it did move the trafficking and violence to Mexico.  
• American children have suffered from the effects of $33 billion dollars of "Just Say No"-style b*llsh*t propaganda marketing.  I can't help but wonder how many millions of young Americans began distrusting and disliking their government the moment they discovered that smoking marijuana and doing heroin are nothing alike whatsoever. 
• $49 billion has gone to our borders to unsuccessfully prevent the influx of drugs. 
• 25 million Americans will use illegal drugs this year.  
• 15 million Americans used illegal drugs in 1970.  
•  We have spent $121 billion to arrest 37 million nonviolent drug offenders. 
• Of those nonviolent drug offenders, 10 million of them were arrested for pot.  
• We have used more than $450 billion to imprison just those nonviolent offenders in federal prisons.  
• Half of America's federal prisoners last year were nonviolent drug offenders.  
• 330 tons of cocaine are sold in the U.S. annually.  
• 20 tons of heroin are sold in the U.S. annually.  
• 110 tons of methamphetamine is sold in the U.S. annually.  
• Nobody knows how much marijuana is sold annually.  
• The global drug industry makes up one percent of the world's commerce being worth $320 billion. 
  

     What can we do?  Being honest with our children would be a start. We put so much focus on marijuana, cocaine, heroin, and meth, we almost completely ignore the more common dangers of cigarettes and alcohol. 

More People Getting What They Deserve...

5/13/10 

    Korea is a pop band factory.  Management companies piece together and churn out soulless, uncreative, cloned girl and boy bands faster than I can crap out good Mexican food.  A scandal has emerged thanks to an underpaid tutor in the U.S.  Korea sent the Wondergirls to the U.S. in hopes of breaking into the market.  Daniel Gauss tutored them in English from October 2009 until this month.  He claims that their management group, JYPE, mistreated them through the course of their failed attempt to gain popularity in the U.S.  JYPE and several of the girls claim his accusations are incorrect.  I don't really care either way.  The next part, however, is interesting.  
    Korea crapped its pants when the five girls' single "Nobody" became the first Korean song to get onto the Billboard Hot 100 chart; it debuted at 76.  How did this song that you probably have never heard of (unless you live in Korea) manage this feat?  JYPE sold the girls' CD for $1.00 at clothing stores around the country.  Losing money on the disc gave the Wondergirls the claim to fame in Korea. All it takes to get onto Billboard is to sell your music at a loss! 

Movie Time...

5/17-6/11/10

    I've been getting out to more movies since I finished my classes.  If you haven't seen it yet, Kick-Ass is one really good movie.  I saw something I have never seen before in Korean subtitles.  For those of you who don't know, the Korean words for f*ck and 18 sound almost identical.  In the past, the subtitles always read "젠장", when somebody says most any curse in English.  It is a light curse like "hell" or "darn."  The people who subtitled it actually put the number "18" in the movie for one of the F-bombs dropped.  It was hilarious! 
     The problem is that not too many decent flicks have came this way since then.  Iron Man 2 wasn't quite as good as the first, but the way they worked towards setting up the upcoming ties to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers was pretty interesting.  Book of Eli had too much religious garbage, but was otherwise a good movie, if not a little predictable.  The Crazies was an incredible remake!  I wonder if we'll see a sequel.  Timothy Olyphant is bad-ass.  Robin Hood wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but there are many worse ways to kill two-and-a-half hours.
     I saw The A-Team yesterday.  After G.I. Joe and Transformers 2, it was great to see a movie that didn't take a steaming crap all over my childhood.  It was a little bit over the top (especially the tank and then the container ship at the end), the obvious double-cross was obvious and Murdock's small roll in the final plan felt awkward.  Other than that it was incredible.  The new team had great interaction with each other.  I can't wait for a sequel! 

Weakly Konglish...

5/19/10 

    I saw the following on the back of a student's t-shirt today:
    "Make Ear bike and girl lower Looks damn cool And Ride fucking easy you know Supplier make you hot"

6/8/10
     This great Konglish is currently plastered on buses in Seoul.  I think it's an English hagwon for people wanting to learn sex talk.

6/13/10
     I'm continually amazed by the horrific language on the clothes people actually wear out in public.  One of my students last week wore a t-shirt that said:
EAT
FUCK
KILL

Yummy...

5/19/10 

    Last night I ate at my favorite local all-you-can-eat tuna restaurant, when Mr. Jeong offered me a shot of a strange booze I hadn't had before.  He handed me a shot glass of brandy, gold flecks and the ocular fluid collected from many tuna.  It was a little syrupy but surprisingly good.

Two More Reasons to Hate the Olympics...

5/19/10
    People who know me know how much I don't like sports in general and the Olympics specifically.  It's sad to see people quadrennially pretending that gymnastics, synchronized swimming, equestrian dressage, ping pong, curling, and figure skating are real sports.  London is hosting the 2012 summer games.  The city unveiled its mascots for the games.  I hope they were only joking.  Wenlock and Mandeville are two horribly creepy cyclops creatures.  The male monster has some sort of flipper-claw appendages and a blue crotch.  I've heard of having blue balls, but never of having it evolve into an entirely blue crotch.  The girl wears colored bracelets banned in some public schools, because students have worn them to signify sex acts they have done.  The two weeks we lose out on real television programming is bad enough without having these androgynous demons on our screens.  Wenlock and Mandeville have taken the title of "Most Disturbing Mascot" from Atlanta's 1996 Izzy. 

Police Pick Up...

5/24/10
     I got to hang out with the Beaver this weekend.  It was a typical weekend for us.  Unfortunately, that means it was absolutely insane.  If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was a Buzzard or part of the K-Town Mafia.  Beav's job had him up in Seoul for two weeks conducting interviews. I went up to hang with him on his last weekend.  We bounced around random bars and makgeolli joints all afternoon.  We met a friend of his for dinner at a restaurant that does a Korean take on Chinese lamb.  It was very interesting.  It wasn't quite as good as the original, but it was really good.  We left his friends and decided makgeolli time had come.  We couldn't find a makgeolli joint, but we did find two police officers.  We asked them for directions and to take pictures with them.  They decided to drive us to a place in their cop car.  First they let me take pictures of the Beav in the back seat and in the driver's seat.  It was crazy.  They put us in the back of the car and drove us to a makgeolli joint near the Times Square Mall.  We shocked the bar's patrons and owners when our police car pulled up with its lights on.  We shocked them further when our two officers had to get out of the car to open the back doors to let our stumbling, cracker butts out for more drinking.  I love this country! 

Rice + Booze = Korea...

5/26/10
     Korea's Ministry of Food, Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries (MOFAFF) held an event to invite potential nicknames for the nation's milky rice wine, makgeolli (막걸리).  Makgeolli has gained much popularity in Korea and the region in past year.  The country has decided that because "makgeolli" isn't the easiest of words for foreigners to pronounce, it needed to devise a nickname for it.  Entries from 3,910 people included Makcohol, Koju, Kori, Soolsool, McKorea, and Rainydaywine.  But were any of those good enough?  No.  MOFAFF chose the most straight to the point contender:  Drunken Rice.  

Please Don't Feed the Stupid...

6/10/10
     Because obesity isn't a big enough problem in America, Donna Simpson is doing something about it.  The 42-year-old mother of two from New Jersey crushes the scale at 600 pounds but has heavier goals.  She wants to waddle her way into the Guinness World Records.  She'll have to double or possibly triple her current weight in order to get the record.  She's not doing it alone, mostly because it takes $750 a week to feed her.  Sadly, she's not alone in her endeavor.  She has a website where people can watch her like a modern-day freak show.  She has videos of her packing in greasy foods and walking to her car.  She has a fiancee seven years her senior who fathered her youngest daughter and finds her near-planetary status "sexy" and supports her large dream.  Being morbidly obese with a goal of getting heavier doesn't make Donna lazy or stupid enough.  She wants to perpetuate her ignorance by getting her own reality television show so that all of the non-thinking masses have more televised garbage to ingest.
     She says that she wants a reality show "so that people can see a woman of size having a regular family."  She's not a woman of size; she's a woman of many sizes.  She's not trying to send a positive message.  Carrying around a few extra pounds isn't a bad thing, but she's trying to eat herself to death.  As the matriarch of her "regular family," she has Type 2 diabetes and has difficulty cooking the tonnage she consumes and showering the filth off after.  Her message includes denying that morbid obesity isn't a factor in heart problems, diabetes and joint pain.
    The only positive aspect of this story is that for as crazy as Simpson is, she is against gastric bypass surgery.  A friend of hers died from the dangerous, unnecessary surgery.  At least we won't have to worry about her show lasting more than season or two if she does wedge her way onto television. 
     I don't want to hear anyone out there saying that I'm being hateful towards obese people, because I'm not.  I'm being hateful towards one ricetarded b*tch who wants to eat herself to death while attempting to convince others that she's not only normal, but also a good example to be followed.  I hope that she has it in her will that she will be fed to a school of piranha at a zoo in front of people when her heart throws in the towel. 

Population Control...

6/10/10

     Kim Kil-tae could very well get what he deserves if Busan prosecutors have their way.  They have demanded the death penalty for Kim.  He is accused of raping and murdering a 13-year-old girl in March.  He has already confessed after they found his DNA in the girl's body but subsequently denied everything during the trial.  Prosecutors have also asked that he wear an electronic monitoring device for 30 years, the maximum currently allowed by law for sex crime and murder convictions.  I hope that he is killed off long before any electric bracelet ever touches his leg. 

More Population Control...

5/19/10
     I'm hoping that Seoul prosecutors can follow in Pusan's steps.  Kim Su-cheol got drunk, took a box-cutter to Usin Elementary School in Yeongdeungpo District, wandered the halls for an hour, and then abducted an eight-year-old girl from the playground.  The 45-year0old took her 500 meters to his house where he raped her.  He passed out after, because he "felt good."  The girl escaped the sleeping monster and ran back to school.  She was taken to a hospital for a six-hour surgery to correct the damage Kim had done.  The police arrested him at his home nine hours later.
     It's no surprise that Kim was on out on the street stalking victims.  After all, he'd only served 15 years starting in 1987 for rape and has had only a dozen other convictions since he was released eight years ago.  The 12 convictions include physical violence and hit-and-runs.  Yes, hit-and-runs with an "s."
     I hope that his time on this spinning ball of mud are extremely short.  

Dae Han Bandwagon...

6/13/10
     Millions of Koreans shouted "Dae Han Min Gook" this weekend as Korea beat Greece in its first World Cup 2010 game.  It was strange catching glimpses of the first World Cup since 2002.  Yes, some of you are arguing that there was a World Cup in 2006.  If you lived in Korea in 2006, then you know that this isn't true.  Eight years ago South Koreans went crazy as their national team far exceeded their expectations as they co-hosted the Cup with Japan.  Millions of red shirt-wearing Koreans poured out into the streets to watch their games on large screens across the nation.  People in smaller neighborhoods gathered outside of buildings to watch games projected from LCD projectors set up in a window onto a weighted bed sheet hung outside of a building across the street.  The excitement was enough to all but bury the story of the bloody naval battle between North and South Korea that took place during the Cup. 
     We didn't see any of that in 2006.  I've asked several people here about why the last Cup failed to generate any fervor among the populace.  I received the same answer from everybody so far.  Nobody thought Korea was going to do well, so there was no reason to support their national team.  Korea's soccer fans are all fair-weather fans.  This year they think their team stands a chance, so the entire nation has jumped on the bandwagon to show its first iota of support in eight years.  

TAI12 #229 Multiple Ends in Sight...

THE ANSWER IS 12

#229 Multiple Ends in Sight...

Welcome to the Show...

4/23/10       
    The half way point of this semester has come and gone, and I can say that I have never been more happy to see a semester work its way towards its demise.  I have the worst batch of students ever.  I have one class that, had this been my first year of teaching, it would have also been my last year of teaching.  The majority of my students show far less respect than they have in the past.  The have gotten lazier.  They sleep more.  They put less of an effort into the small amount of work I ask of them.  I have never more desired the beginning of a vacation.  I'm ready for Mom to get here.  I'm ready to see Cheeri and the rest of the Manila folken.  I'm ready to meet up with Cooter, Countess and Voice in Kuching.  I'm ready for the three weeks of Bali, Bangkok and Cambodia or Laos to follow InterHash.  I'm ready to put this wretched semester in its grave!

4/30/10
     Wednesday night I completed the two of my final three grad school classes.  I should finish with an A and a B which shouldn't hurt my 3.33.  These were my two most stressful classes to date.  Now I get to relax until mid-August.
     I had two very tall girls show up to one of my classes yesterday.  We are half-way through the ninth week of our 16-week semester.  It was the first time they had made an appearance.  One of them wasn't even on my attendance sheet.  Despite showing up to the second-highest of our five levels of class, they couldn't speak more than a couple of words of English.  One of my other students explained that these giants had been playing volleyball.  The season is over, so now they are in school.  I wish them luck with that.  I know that the school is going to try to make me give these lumps a pass.  That will officially throw away the last little bit of credibility I thought this company had.  If they try to force me to give them a pass, it will prove that I work for a degree mill.  This is why I hate sports in schools.  These athletes aren't contributing anything, but they receive a larger budget than any other program at most schools, and they get free grades for not working.  Schools should divide their budget equally between their extracurricular programs.  Let the parents and local communities make up the differences for programs requiring a larger budget if they feel the need.  Don't make other school programs suffer.  Don't freely give out grades to someone just because they can hit or throw a ball. 

By the Numbers...

95,266  :  Number of Koreans who had their credit card information stolen by a single Romanian man who in turn sold it all to four Malaysians.
300,000  :  Amount (in KRW) paid by four men for the information from 51 of those credit cards.
943  :  Number of credit cards cloned from this stolen information.
49  :  Number of countries these clones have been used in.
677  :  Amount (in millions of KRW) charged to those 943 cloned cards. 
2,377  :  Number of registered foreigners living in Evilwon. 
706  :  Number of registered Africans living in Evilwon.
100  :  The minimum number of texts a third of American teens send daily.  Don't these ricetards know how to call each other?  It's quicker.
75  :  Percentage of American children aged 12-17 who have cell phones.  I can't imagine that one percent of them actually need phones.  I hope their parents are at least responsible enough to make them pay for them.
87  :  Percentage of American teens who sleep with or next to their cell phones.
18,000  :  Number of North Korean defectors living in South Korea.
2,000  :  Number of North Korean defectors living in 20 other countries.
?  :  Number of North Korean defectors who are actually North Korean spies living in South Korea.
2  :  Number of North Korean spies posing as defectors arrested in an assassination plot focused on the highest ranking North Korean defector to date, Hwang, Jang-yop.  He once tutored Kim Jong-il and authored "juche", the North's ideology of self-reliance. 
?  :  Number of Chinese-Koreans living in South Korea as North Korean defectors.  They lie to Korea's National Intelligence Service (Korea's CIA) in order to get settlement money, job training, medical benefits, and to be treated as second-class citizens by South Koreans.  They use fake North Korean identities to achieve this. 
8.63  :  Annual tuition (in millions of KRW, $7,765 as of 4/23) of at my university, KNU, the third highest in the nation for a single campus in 2008.
41  :  Alcohol percentage of the world's strongest beer, Sink the Bismark!, from BrewDog, a Scottish brewery.
60  :  Price (in U.S. dollars) of one 11.2-oz. bottle of Sink the Bismark!
60  :  Percentage of Korean actresses who have been propositioned for sex by "influential figures of TV stations or other 'big shots' from all walks of society."
30  :  Percentage of Korean actresses who have been sexually molested. 
7  :  Percentage of Korean actresses who have been raped.
55  :  Percentage of Korean actresses who have been offered "sponsorships" from wealthy men.  A sponsorship is a secret contract where a rich asshole hires his favorite as a whore for a period of time to screw him regularly.  The report listed that the offers came from "wealthy businessmen, TV and movie directors, and politicians."
84,000  :  Number of foreign students currently studying in Korea.  
17,023  :  Number of foreign students studying in Korea in 2004.  
7,288  :  Number of foreign students studying in Korea in 2002.  
10,000  :  Number of foreign students violating their visas by overstaying them or working illegally.  
4,519  :  Number of foreign students caught by Korea's immigration authorities in 2009 for violating their visas.   
5,113  :  Number of nuclear warheads in the United States' stockpile.  
22,000  :  Estimated number of nuclear warheads in the world.   
12,582  :  Number of Korean office workers who subscribe to E4u Telephone English, a English education website.
73  :  Percentage of the office workers who are junior office workers.
27  :  Percentage of junior office workers who study on the site for more than three months.  Most quit after only one month. 

Hypocrites...

(Photo property of me!)

4/12/10 

    I took this picture in Insadong.  These three were trying to gain support for the 20 million North Koreans kept in poverty and ignorance.  It would also be helpful to try to save them from the South Koreans.  reunification isn't a big goal of the South.  While most southerners will say that they desire to be reunited with their cousins to the north, most of them say that they want it to happen after they die.  Current estimates put the financial damage it will cause the south at ten times worse than when East and West Germany came together.  Many of the 20,000 defectors here frequently complain about their lives here.  Their southern "cousins" view them as second-class citizens.  Despite job training from the government, many have trouble finding jobs, because their northern accent forever differentiates them.  Southerners also resent the money defectors receive help them survive in the south. 
     The problems North Koreans have with the South extend beyond the borders of both countries.  South Korea arrested one of their own this week for hunting and returning North Korean defectors in China.  The 55-year-old man had lived illegally in China and gone to North Korea for spy training. Before asking the rest of the world to remedy the situation, maybe the South should first work on fixing their own issues with their cousins.

Piss Poor Pee Plan...

4/15/10 

    Irish airline, Ryanair, has announced that it is considering installing coin-operated doors on its planes' toilets.  Passengers could be charged one Euro or one pound.  Airlines have gotten out of control.  I can promise you that if I ever find myself on a flight that charges to use the bathroom, I will wet myself in my seat like a two-year-old and laugh about it all the while.  I hope you're not sitting next to me on that flight.  Don't even ask what would happen if I had to chop a brown tree down...

SNL Does ICP Again!...

4/21/10 

    Those Killer Clownz from Murderous City D-Town released a new video from Bang! Pow! Boom!  The cast of Saturday Night Live was quick to do a parody of "Miracles".  Watch them.  They're great! 

No Sh*t Sherlock...

4/22/10 

   The Korea Times printed an article today that might as well have told us that they sun was going to rise in the east and set in the west today for all the surprising information it provided.  Titled "Koreans Swayed by Herd Mentality", it reported what everyone who has been here for more than five hours already knows.  Sales of mosquito nets and insect repellents spiked 50 percent this week after hearing news reports last week that mosquitoes transmitting viral diseases causing brain inflammation.  The problem is that they were only found on Jeju Island, hours away from the mainland.  
     By no means is this the first time the country has had spasms upon hearing news be it true or false.  We saw it two years ago when the whole country became more anti-American than usual upon a batch of lies reported by the television news show, PD Notebook.  The story reported that Americans had died of the human form of mad cow disease, when in truth only three Americans had ever died from from mad cow disease, and those had contracted it from beef eaten in the U.K.  It also fabricated information about the quality of meat being exported from the U.S. and said that Koreans are 2-3 times more susceptible to mad cow disease than other ethnic groups.  The country rose up as one to protest America and then their own president.   
     Other past occurrences of this lemming culture include the long history of regionalism (most frequently arising in elections and sports), the death of two middle school girls who couldn't be bothered to move out of the way of a slow moving tank, the Dokdo issue, the Sea of Japan issue, and Korean comfort women paid off by Japan in 1965 and screwed by Korea' s government ever since.  The current worry is that this lemming effect will have negative consequences on the nation's economy as it struggles to climb out of the current global recession.  

Banality in 140 Characters or Less...

4/23/10 

   Twitter is one of the most useless ideas of all time.  The twatters who use twitter manage to find simpletons who follow their 140-character messages of what they are eating, where they are at or the condition of their most recent bowel movement.  Facef*ck is bad enough as it is, and twitter is nothing but Facef*ck boiled down to its single most useless feature.  Twitter has come to Korea and brought with it one interesting story.  The third most followed twat is that of Soranet, a Korean porn website shut down by police in 2004 with 60 arrested in association with it.  The website had 600,000 subscribers; its twatter account has 100,000.  Soranet's twats have gained popularity because they give information on gaining indirect access to its porn site.  The government is also looking to block political-themed twats in upcoming elections.

Vegetables, Adultery and Lawsuits...

4/27/10 

    Korea's Supreme Court has ordered a woman to pay her mother-in-law 10 million KRW in damages for cheating on her husband.  Her husband has been in a coma since 2005 when a truck ran him over.  The court has also upheld a lower court ruling that the man's mother can seek a divorce-by-proxy, seeing the wife's cheating as her giving up her right to be his legal guardian. 

Get Out While You Can...

5/3/10 

    Korea is giving an option to illegal aliens here.  Illegals who voluntarily leave the country between May 6 and September 31 won't be subjected to fines, and their offense won't be taken into consideration if they decide to return legally in the future.  There is one problem:  September only has 30 days.  If employers of illegals come clean during this semi-imaginary grace period, they can avoid paying the usual fine of up to 20 million KRW and being barred from replacing them for three years.  The Ministry of Justice estimates that there are 178,163 illegals currently on the peninsula.  That's 15.1 percent of the 1,180,598 foreign residents in the country.  It's also slightly higher than the number of illegal Koreans living in the Los Angeles area. 

Arizona Makes the First Move...

5/5/10 

    Arizona's new immigration enforcement law is over the top, slightly fascist and long overdue.  America has long needed to take a stand on immigration.  We know that there is 12-20 million illegals in the country, but we don't do anything about it.  Arizona has gone too far, but it's a good start.  Look at California's medical marijuana laws.  The state is way too liberal with its plan, but it has given other states a blueprint with which to work.  Other states can look at Arizona's method and tweak it and implement it with improvement.  Of course I still think we should go with the plan I devised many years ago for illegal aliens:
First time caught:  Fingerprinted, photographed, given a warm meal, and put on a bus or boat back to their own country.
Second offense:  Sent to jail for a year to do hard labor.
Third offense:  Electric chair.  Problem solved.
We have laws.  Obey them or convince voters to change them. 

Break Dancing Brain Buffoons...

5/5/10 

    Korea has caught nine break dancers who faked mental illnesses in order to get out of their national duty to serve in the military.  They read up on mental health issues and then faked symptoms.  They faked hearing voices, depression and wouldn't go outside.  They managed to fool their families and doctors.  They weren't too smart, though.  They were caught authorities learned that they had gone overseas to break dance.  These fakers will now have to serve out their military service.  I'm not so sure they were faking it.  Anybody attempting to make a living by break dancing 25 years after it reached its popularity must have mental problems.  I'm surprised Korea doesn't have any disco dancers.

TAI12 #228 Almost there...

THE ANSWER IS 12

#228  Almost there...

Welcome to the Show...

4/13/10
      Fifteen days stand between me and the end of my second-to-last semester of graduate school.  I don't have much time to write.  I'm far behind in everything I have been meaning to do.  I haven't booked tickets yet for this summer for Mom and I.  She booked her ticket to Seoul this morning.  Dad's doing much better this month.  I hear Cooter moved.  Other madness is in the works.  I'll have more time to explain the universe to you when I drop the next issue in early May.  It's snowing today. 

By the Numbers...

9,000  :  Number of buses in Seoul.
72,000  :  Number of taxis in Seoul.
2010  :  The target year Seoul's current mayor, Oh Se-hoon, aims to have all of the city's buses and taxis switched over to electric or hybrid vehicles.
178  :  Estimated cost (in KRW, or $156 million US dollars) to make Seoul's bus and taxi changes.
20  :  Percentage of the reduction of pollutants in Seoul's air since Oh took office in 2006.
20  :  Percentage of the size of the battery used run Seoul Grand Park's new electric tram cars compared to regular rechargeable batteries.  
2.2  :  Length (in kilometers) of Seoul Grand Park's new electric tram car path, the first in the world.
370  :  Number of meters of recharging strips installed along the four segments of Seoul Grand Park's new rechargeable tram's path.
400,000  :  Cost (in KRW, or $351 US dollars) per meter of the recharging strips for electric vehicles.  
20  :  Percentage of Seoul's roads that would require rechargeable strips in order to allow every car in the city to run off of electricity.
2  :  Number of additional nuclear power plants South Korea would need to power every vehicle in the country if the entire country went electric. 
5  :  Number of websites currently posting information about North Korea collected from cell phones smuggled into the closed-off nation. 
8,400  :  Number of South Korean agents sent to spy on North Korea from 1953-1994.
2,200  :  Number of those agents who returned to South Korea.  Some defected; most were reported or assumed to have been killed.
92  :  Number of clothing and accessory shops in Seoul caught selling fake luxury goods in a March 24 and 25 crackdown.  The government hit Dongdaemun, Express Bus Terminal and Sinchon Station. 
40  :  Sales (in billions of KRW) of erectile dysfunction drugs in Korea in 2002.
77.9  :  Sales (in billions of KRW) of erectile dysfunction drugs in Korea in 2008.
86.2  :  Sales (in billions of KRW) of erectile dysfunction drugs in Korea in 2009.
360  :  Sales (in billions of KRW) of oriental medicines in 2002.
170  :  Sales (in billions of KRW) of oriental medicines in 2007.
5,811  :  Number of hagwons located in two of Seoul's 25 districts, Gangnam and Seocho, 20 percent of the total in Seoul. 
9.2  :  Percentage of hagwons that have gone out of business in Seoul.
11.3  :  Percentage of hagwons that have out of business in Gangnam and Seocho.
94  :  Number of North Korean refugees admitted to the U.S. since it granted them refugee status in 2006.  One of the first six admitted to the U.S. in 2006 hung himself.
32.3  :  Percentage of Korean high school students who sleep in class according to a recent survey.
45.1  :  Percentage of Japanese high school students who sleep in class.
20.8  :  Percentage of American high school students who sleep in class.
4.7  :  Percentage of Chinese high school students who sleep in class. 
33,000  :  Number of miles of expressways in China. 
9  :  Number, in millions, of new cars to hit the road in China this year. 

More People Getting What They Deserve...

4/2/10 

     Scott Roeder is going to spend the remainder of his life in prison, unless he is paroled in 50 years.  Roeder assassinated Dr. George Tiller in a Kansas church last May.  Roeder felt that he was following God's law.  This whack-job murdered Dr. Tiller, because he operated a clinic in Wichita, KS that performed late-term abortions.  I love it when insane people go around murdering upstanding citizens who perform a necessary, if not unpleasant, duty.  I hope this madman never steps another foot outside of his prison.  If there were truly any justice in the world, the judge would've ordered an extremely late term abortion to be performed on Roeder.  Rot in peace, you animal. 

No Justice...

4/8/10
     There is a "Newseum" in Washington, D.C.  It has recently made an acquisition of ricetarded proportions.  It will soon display the suit, shirt and tie that O.J. Simpson wore the day he got away with murder as part of a display called "trial of the century."  Simpson's former manager, Mike Gilbert, and Fred Goldman have spent the last 13 years fighting for possession of the Armani suit and the rest of O.J.'s "I got away with murder in style" ensemble.  Gilbert had offered it to the Smithsonian Institution, which rightly turned the embarrassment of the American judicial system down. 

Lowering Your Chances...

4/8/10
     A January survey of 544 single males and 494 single females who had visited the Banobagi Beauty Clinic by the Wedian matchmaking agency revealed the stupidity of the majority of the people surveyed.  Of the women, 53.4 percent said they would undergo or at least think about undergoing plastic surgery to meet a husband.  Minor procedures (double eyelid surgery or botox) were okay with 58.5 percent of the males.  However, they did say that they objected to "serious augmentation of facial bones or other features."  Only 11.1 percent of the women said they were okay with their future husbands having plastic surgery.  100 percent of me would have nothing to do with any woman with enough mental problems to go under the knife for no logical reason. 

A Complete Lack of Priorities...

4/8/10
     A survey from another matchmaking service, Gayeon, revealed even more disturbing trends among single Koreans.  Eighty percent of the men surveyed said that a woman's looks were the most important feature when choosing someone to date.  Personality, academic background and finances came next in order of importance.  One guy who makes 40 million KRW annually ($34,000) said he broke up with his "really pretty and attractive" girlfriend of two years because she was only a temporary bank worker.  He said many of his friends are also looking for women with full-time employment, going against exactly what the figures of this survey reported.  Almost 50 percent of the women surveyed said a man's monetary value was the top quality they sought.  Personality, academic background and family background followed. 

Making Way for the Ignorant Masses...

4/8/10
     The ricetards at Mattel have dumbed down the classic game, Scrabble.  A new version will allow semi-literate players to use the proper names of people, places, companies, and brands.  Now people who limit their input to those god-awful "entertainment news" programs stand a chance at winning a round of Scrabble. 

Changes Coming...

4/9/10
     Korean universities will soon stop looking at the TOEIC, TOEFL and other English test scores of applicants.  The Korean Council for University Education (KCUE) also says that universities will no longer use English interviews or look at applicants' extracurricular awards.  They will no longer be allowed to discriminate against students who didn't graduate from the country's more prestigious foreign language and science high schools or give preference to students who studied overseas.  The idea is to reduce the exuberant amount of money spent by Korean families on private education.  They want to level the playing field.  While this is a good idea, it will probably open the door to more bribery for university admissions officers.  It has the potential to hurt the hagwon market, especially English hagwons, although I doubt we'll see much of an effect from this anytime soon.  Despite the minimal impact the English hagwons have on the majority of students, the emphasis on pretending to learn English isn't likely to dissipate.  Of course this means that English professors could very well see a drop in the already low quality of English in the majority of their students.   

People Not Making a Difference...

4/9/10
     The Korean American Leaders Association (KALA) and BYON International are both Korean-American organizations in the U.S. and are both not making a difference.  They are handing out blue bracelets in New York and New Jersey, eventually going national.  The bracelets say "Dokdo is Korean Territory" and "East Sea is Korea".  This is partly a response to Japan recently approving a history textbook that says Korea "illegally occupies" Takeshima (the Japanese name given to Dokdo).  Dokdo is a group of almost uninhabitable islands (there is one old married Korean couple living there) between Korea and Japan in the Sea of Japan (we'll get to that one later).  Korea and Japan have both produced historical documents laying claim to the rocky outcroppings from centuries ago.  Japan controlled all of Korea when it occupied it from 1910-1945.  An agreement it signed after the war forced it to return all of the territories it had picked up during the war. They both claim it now.  Besides pride, the other reasons for desiring Dokdo is the potential the area has for being fertile fishing grounds and the possibility of oil beneath them.  The other issue at hand is just as simple, but not in Korea's favor.  Korea's call the Sea of Japan the East Sea.  I'm with them in that I know Dokdo is theirs, but everyone knows that the Sea of Japan is the Sea of Japan.  These bracelets aren't the first time Koreans have tried to get Americans to care about these issues.  A full-page ad in The New York Times and a 30-second video on a Times Square billboard preceded this attempt.  The problem is that I doubt they are ever going to get any Americans to care about either of these issues.  If it isn't on a "reality" television, "entertainment news" or from the insane rant of a whack-job like Glenn Beck, then most Americans aren't likely to give two farts about it these days. 

Fighting Darwin...

4/8/10
     PC game developers are beginning to include "fatigue" systems.  These limit the amount of time people can play a game or reward them for taking time away from their PCs.  This is to prevent ricetards from spending a week straight in an office chair in front of a computer consuming only ramyeon, instant coffee and cancer sticks and eventually, and thankfully, dying and thus exiting the gene pool.  It's also to prevent players from neglecting other responsibilities.  Just last month, a Korean couple (who had met online) let their three-month-old daughter starve to death, because they were too busy playing online games at a PC cafe.  I hope those two never step foot outside of a prison cell again.  I also hope they are never allowed to touch another computer or to reproduce again.  Stray dogs and cats aren't the only animals that should be spayed and neutered. 

Adultery Pays in Korea...

4/8/10
     South Korea is one of the few countries left where adultery is punishable by law.  While the number of adultery cases are rising, the number of jail sentences are going down.  Korea sent 47 adulterers to prison in 2007 of the 1,138 cases its courts tried.  Last year only saw 24 go to prison out of 1,157 cases.  A recent trend has emerged.  Spouses are suing their cheating partner and even the person their partner cheated with for damages.  Lawsuits against the partner so far have been more successful.  I'm all for this.  If I had promised to devote the rest of my life to a woman, and then she broke that promise and destroyed our life we had spent years building together, I'd want to turn that heartless bitch out into the street. 

The South Shouldn't Rise Again...

4/9/10
     Virginia's Governor, Bob McDonnell, has declared April "Confederate History Month."  Why would any state want to celebrate having been a part of the Confederacy?  They were terrorists who fought to own slaves.  There is no honor in what they did.  They fought the United States of America.  If we are going to honor them, then we should pull our hypocritical butts out of Afghanistan right now.  Nationality is the main difference between Osama bin Laden and the Confederacy.  Germany doesn't have a holiday for the Nazis.  They even went so far as banning the swastika.  Imagine if the U.S. had banned the rebel flag, the current symbol for all things inbred and otherwise backwards. McDonnell is not alone, Alabama Gov. Bob Riley declared April "Confederate History and Heritage Month." 

Too Little, Too Late, 
and Too Unimportant...

4/13/10
     The Vatican has issued another in a long line of ridiculous messages to the masses.  The Vatican's newspaper, "L'Osservatore Romano", said in its latest issue that the Vatican has forgiven the Beatles.  What exactly did the Beatles do to require forgiveness from the Vatican?  The Vatican once called the Beatles' messages "satanic" and now have forgiven the Beatles for letting them be called satanic.  What the hell?  The Beatles were once one of the greatest bands of all time until that succubus, Yoko Ono, raped the creativity out of them before breaking them up.  Of course none of that matters here.  We're talking about this giant douche-bag move from the Vatican.  What the hell were they thinking?  What could possibly have been the rationale behind this?  I can't wait for the people who used to beat me up in middle school and high school to forgive me for getting beat up by them.  I'm glad the Vatican settled this matter, because it doesn't have anything else on its plate right now.  It's amazing that the Vatican was thinking about this and not the 200 boys we learned were molested at a Wisconsin school for the deaf by one of its perverts in a collar.  I feel reassured to know that the religious equivalent of an evil organization hellbent on world domination from a 1960s or 70s James Bond movie is more focused on forgiving other people of what it has accused them of in the past than on trying to find ways to beg forgiveness for the thousands of childhoods callously stolen by its collared minions. 

TAI12 #227 Yellow Dust Off

THE ANSWER IS 12

#227  Yellow Dust Off...

Welcome to the Show...

2/16/10
      The first semester of Korea's school year is well under way (I'm one day from finishing week four).  It's a strange new year with several changes, none of them good.  Unfortunately, that's par for the course here.  I've been swamped trying to keep up with two of my final three classes for my MSEd.  I've got one month to do three homework assignments (two of them already late), one short paper, two major project papers, and two tests.  I am not looking forward to April, although I'm pumped for May!  It seems that as of late there has been an exodus of sorts as many of my friends have left Korea.  That is finally beginning to turnaround with the return of Eric, Pump and now Timber. 

By the Numbers...

26  :  The number, in millions, of Americans who eat McDonald's every day. 
14,000  :  The number of McDonald's in the U.S.  
33  :  Percentage of South Koreans who answered incorrectly on a recent survey when asked what year the Korean War started. 
1  :  The number of cities in 1800 with a population of one million or more people (Beijing).
381  :  The number of cities in 2010 with a population of one million or more people. 
10  :  The number (in billions) of songs sold on iTunes as of Feb. 24.  The 10 billionth was Johnny Cash's "Guess Things Happen That Way." 
5-4  :  Decision of Korea's Constitutional Court to uphold the death penalty.  Good for them!
10.4  :  Population (in millions) of Seoul (17ish if you include the burbs).  
26,000  :  Population of registered foreigners in Seoul.
7.2  :  Number (in millions) of average daily subway users in Seoul.
4.6  :  Number (in millions)  of average daily bus users in Seoul. 
2.9  :  Number (in millions) of registered vehicles in Seoul. 
3.59  :  Average salary (in millions of KRW) of the average Seoul resident. 
4  :  Average cost (in millions of KRW) for a semester's tuition in Seoul-based universities. 
40  :  Average bus fare (in KRW) in Seoul in 1977. 
30  :  Average subway fare (in KRW) in Seoul in 1974. 
1,000  :  Average bus and subway fare (in KRW) in Seoul today (the decrease comes from all the elderly and children). 
120  :  Average cost (in KRW) of a bottle of soju in 1975.
1,200  :  Average cost (in KRW) of a bottle of soju today.
70  :  Percentage of Korean words originating from Chinese characters.
1,017  :  Number of sex crimes committed against children under the age of 12 in Korea in 2009.
4,110  :  Current minimum wage (in KRW) in Korea.
10,322  :  Number of people who received Ph.D.s from Korean universities in 2009, the first time the country has surpassed 10,000.  
1,494  :  Number of Koreans waiting for hearings in U.S. federal immigration courts nationwide.  This is a tiny number considered that even Korea has admitted to more than 150,000 illegal Korean aliens living in the Los Angeles area alone. 
1.7  :  Estimated amount (in trillions of US dollars) by economist Charles Wolf at the Rand Corporation of the cost of a North-South Korean reunification. 
930  :  Amount (in billions of US dollars) of South Korea's 2009 GDP.
1,600  :  Number of Korean restaurants in the U.S.
2,032  :  Number of Korean restaurants in China.
293  :  Number of Korean restaurants in the U.S. with chefs holding a Korean cooking certificate (18%).
204  :  Number of Korean restaurants in China with chefs holding a Korean cooking certificate (10%).
86.2  :  Amount (in billions of KRW) Koreans spent on the impotency treatment market (erectile dysfunction) in 2009.  

More People Getting What They Deserve...

2/25/10 

     They are called "killer" whales for a reason.  And Dawn Brancheau died at the Orlando SeaWorld for her failure to understand this concept.  Tilikum grabbed Brancheau by the wrist towards the end of a noontime show and dragged her into the water.  He thrashed her around hard enough that one of her shoes flew off.  Authorities don't know yet if she died by drowning or by being thrashed about.  "You can't put yourself in the water unless you trust them and they trust you," Brancheau once said.  I'm guessing they had some trust issues.

New Semester, Some Same Old Sh*t
And Some New Old Sh*t...

3/8/10

     I am about to finish the last class of the first week of the first semester of the 2010 Korean school year.  Yes, this semester begins on a Tuesday and ends on a Monday.  I don't care for these semesters.  It's a mind screw to have a weekend separating the beginnings and endings of each week.
     Three guys left KNU during the break, two from my department and one from the other English department (there was only two to begin with).  I expected one of ours to leave, but the other two came as a surprise.  We didn't replace any of them, so everybody took one overtime class.
     KNU's president had one of our head teachers (a Korean woman) do an impromptu translation of his speech for us at our big school meeting.  This meeting marks my 14th semester and the first time the school has made any effort whatsoever to clue us in on these meetings.  She only did it for the president's speech.  Ignorance was bliss.  He had nothing but gloom and doom for us.  Between her mousy voice and sketchy English, it was difficult to understand everything she translated, but what we did understand was all gloom and doom.
     KNU froze tuition for a second year.  I didn't know that we'd frozen it last year.  Not being one of the higher-ranking universities means that we had to find some way to compete with the quality schools.  As a private school, KNU has more control over its tuition.
      The president used his speech to tell us how bad off our school was and to ask all the professors to make themselves more available to their students and to make greater efforts to befriend their students.

Down with the Clown...

3/10/10

     Wow.  People are stupid.  I know I say it enough that it's almost become a mantra for me, but damn, people are stupid.  "Nightline" did a segment on the Insane Clown Posse, Psychopathic Records and the Juggalos this week.  A couple of recent murders committed by fake-arse Juggahos and last week's episode of "Law & Order" prompted them to sensationalize the world's biggest underground band and label.  According to the segment, Arizona, Utah and Monroe County, Pennsylvania have classified Juggalos as a gang.  Wow.  I'm in a gang in two states and a county of butter churners.  Wow.

 Quote of the Week...

3/16/10  
     "Satan's mentally challenged younger brother,"  Stephen King describing infamous fear monger and all-around nut-job, Glenn Beck.

Rape Rules...

3/21/10
     Korea has strengthened its immigration rules concerning sex crimes.  Foreigners with a sex crime conviction from their home country will be denied entry into Korea, foreigners who commit them here will be deported and permanently banned from reentry, and foreigners convicted of sex crimes in a country other than their home country will also be denied entry.  The National Police Agency has reported an 11 percent increase in the number of rapes committed by foreigners between 2008 and 2009.  Before this change, foreigners convicted of sex crimes could reenter after a five-year waiting period.  These regulations began last month and have already seen two foreigners deported and banned for past sex crimes. 

Some Things Never Change...

3/26/10  
     My former employer, Daewon Foreign Language High School, has made the news again.  A DFLHS student's parent has blown the whistle and claimed that the nation's top private foreign language high school collected 400,000 KRW from each student's parents in 2007 to purchase meals and gifts for teachers, for summer break bonuses for teachers and for "allowances" for principals and vice-principals.  The Korea Times reported that this totaled 870 million KRW ($770,000).  None of that ever found its way to the foreign staff while I was there.  The parent has account books showing three year's worth of records of the donations from his/her time as a member on the school's parents' council member.  Daewon's teachers and officials denied the existence of a parents' council.  I still remember having conversations with a teacher and many of Daewon's students about the bribes they gave teachers for grades. 

TAI12 #226 Vacation Volleys...

THE ANSWER IS 12

#226 Vacation Volleys...

Welcome to the Show...

2/16/10
      This issue comes to you from sunny, hazy Manila as my winter vacation quickly slips away from me.  I didn't make it to China as planned.  Cheeri-Ho convinced me to crash at his pad for my five weeks out and about.  It's been absolutely crazy.  We went to Subic Bay three out of five weekends.  There has been lots of Hashes, drinks and sun.  I've somehow managed to keep up with my two classes through it all.  Sunday I return to the land of winter and work.  Until then, I give you this issue...

By the Numbers...

3.0  :  Magnitude of Tuesday's earthquake in Seoul, the strongest to rattle the city since they began keeping records in 1978.  According to the papers, I could have felt it had I been in country and at home. 
35.2  :  The lifetime probability of being involved in a car accident in Korea.
1.02  :  The lifetime probability of dying in a car accident in Korea. 
34.4  : The probability of Korean men getting cancer in their lifetime. 
28.9  :  The probability of Korea women getting cancer in their lifetime.
22.45  :  The number, in millions, of Koreans expected to travel during Seollal (Chinese New Year) this year.
37,671  :  The number of crimes committed "out of a sudden loss of temper" in Korea in 2005.
159,833  :  The number of crimes committed "out of a sudden loss of temper" in Korea in 2008.
150-300  :  The percentage Korea's major hospitals charge foreigners (especially medical tourists) above locals. 

A Decade Late...

2/10/10 
     In 1981 a new network appeared on cable television.  It changed the world...for the better...for 15 or so years.  That network was MTV.  MTV once again changed television forever in the 1990s (no, I'm not talking about how it assisted Puff Daddy and Master P destroy rap and hip-hop) when it premiered the first season of The Real World.  Reality television exploded and the mindless masses haven't had to compose an original thought since.  MTV has finally admitted that it now longer has anything to do with music.  The network's redesigned logo has dropped the "Music Television" from beneath the "M" in its logo.  MTV is dead...and has been for more than a decade.  It gave us the douches of Jersey Shore and paved the way for such bottom feeding "reality" shows as American Idol, Big Brother, John and Kate, and other lowest common denominator programing.  I want do my MTV, but the MTV that played music videos and the occasional trippy animation, geeky game show and Beavis and Butthead.

Overpopulation...

2/14/10
     Any of you who have followed me and my scribbled ranting antics know that I believe that we have way overpopulated this spinning ball of mud we live on.  The Korea Times provided definitive proof of that today.  If you follow me, then you also know how little respect I have for the quality of "journalism" at the Times.  An article today on the site tells us that many rural Chinese are renting boyfriends and girlfriends to take home to mom and dad during Chinese New Year this weekend.  The idea is that it is somewhat cultural unacceptable to be single and in your mid-20s, so they rent a companion to show off to their parents to save face.  What really drove me crazy in this article was the numbers the Times gave.  According to them, China has a population of 13 BILLION, and 8 BILLION of them live in the countryside.  Way to go The Korea Times!  At least they spelled it correctly...

Getting What You Deserve...

2/16/10
     Today we are looking at a pair of idiots who got what they deserved.  Our first idiot is William Gregory Byrd.  He is a recent double amputee and deserves to be.  Byrd led Oklahoma City police on a 20 minute, 110mph chase on I-240 and I-40.  The chase ended when Byrd hit the exit sign at the Harrah/Newalla exit.  The crash severed his left leg and crushed his right.  Doctors later removed his right leg.  Deputy Chris Findley also hit the exit sign.  He rolled his cruiser but suffered only a broken tailbone.  The lesson:  don't run from the police. 

     Peter Bethune is our second idiot.  Bethune is an anti-whaling activist.  He scaled and boarded the Shonan Maru 2, a Japanese whaling vessel, yesterday.  He committed this act of piracy in order to place the captain under citizen's arrest and to give him a three million dollar bill for hitting and destroying a protest ship, the Ady Gil, last month.  Bethune jumped from a jet ski to the ship's protective netting in order to board it.  He used a knife to cut the netting and his thumb.  The Japanese are detaining him.  If I were them, I'd chop him up and use him for chum for committing an act of piracy.  Don't get me wrong, I'm against whaling for the most part, but these vessels are following rules and these activists are breaking rules.  I don't know what will happen to Bethune, but he deserves whatever he gets. 

Irony Be Thy Name...

2/16/10
      Jay-Z has said that he doesn't like the Haiti remake of the classic song, "We Are the World."  He said that the original was like Michael Jackson's "Thriller" to him and should never be touched.  This is heavily ironic coming from a man who built his unoriginal career raping classic songs.  How can he possibly come out against a remake of any song by anybody?  Along with the likes of Master P and Puff Daddy, Jay-Z helped kill rap and hip-hop in the mid-90s, paving the way for the garbage that passes for rap and hip-hop today.  Jay-Z has 99 problems, and originality ain't one of them.

TAI12 #225 The First of Many in 2010?...

TAI12 #225  The First of Many in 2010?...
Welcome to My Opening Pitch for 2010...

1/29/10
      Yes, I realized that my first shot of the year isn't making its appearance until the end of the first month, but when I have a ever been a stickler for non-work-related deadlines?  This posting comes to you from Cheeri-Ho's apartment in sunny, smoggy Manila.  My original plan for this trip was to jet off to China this weekend, although I scrapped that plan to hang with Cheeri.  He's leaving this summer for as of yet unknown lands.  As Egg Shen said to Jack Burton, "Well, China's in the heart, Jack.  Wherever I go, she's with me."  China isn't going anywhere.  Dumplings, hotpot and Qingdao Beer aren't going anywhere either.
     I had a really strange realization yesterday.  Why is that all of my favorite animals are either the pets of notorious villains or are the logos of evil organizations?  I love cats, octopi and elephants.  Thank goodness the only organization squids are associated with is Southside!
     
     I caught some diarrhea this week and went to a local clinic in the mall.  The registration form asked for my religion.  I considered writing down the Church of the Dark Carnival, although I decided that would require too much explanation.  I settled on "NONE."
     Speaking of everyone's favorite evil clownz, I listened to an archived episode of Upchuck the Clown's "The Funhouse" program on W-F*ck-Off Radio yesterday.  One of the callers plugged a site for Juggalos and Juggalettes.  You all should check out Juggalove.


1/28/10
     There's a Chinese restaurant very near to Cheeri's apartment/hotel.  I am really craving some Peking Duck, especially since I'm not going there.  I one of the waitresses outside if they had Qingdao Beer.  "I am sorry.  We only have Philippine beer.  San Miguel.  San Miguel Light.  Heineken," she said.  I told her that I didn't know that Heineken was a Philippine brew.  She laughed. 

Annyeong Arigato Mr. Roboto...

1/29/10
     Korea has hatched another "I Love Lucy" scheme.  This time it's focus is to replace me and my kind.  Starting by having its native English teachers move out of the classroom and teach via video-conferencing over the next decade, Korea wants to begin having robots assist teachers by 2015.  Korea actually thinks it can replace native English teachers with robots by 2018. 

Vacation Plans...

1/30/10
     I can go!  According to a story on the Korea Times, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) is going to open itself to American tourists.  Previously, we were only allowed to enter with tour groups from August to October (I hadn't known that).  Soon we will be able to enter year-round and even take the train from Beijing to Pyeongyang, which we had been banned from.  I think I will try to squeeze it in this summer if this goes through.

F*ck "Reality" Television, 

I Want the ICP and Cartoons!

1/30/10
       The Clownz are coming!  The Clownz are coming!  ...to a television near you...in April.  Yes, the Insane Clown Posse are guest-starring in an April episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.  Much Clown Luv! 

I Live in Sin...

2/4/10
      Korea was ranked 8th in a recent analysis of 35 countries and their involvement in the seven deadly sins.  The BBC magazine Focus reported that Korea was first in lust and sixth in gluttony (America was obviously first here).  They said that Korea landed first in lust for spending more money on pornography than the other 34 countries.  If they included money spent on prostitution, Korea would certainly be guaranteed the top spot for decades to come.  Australia, the U.S., Canada, and Japan placed first through fourth overall, respectively. 

2009 wrap up

     While 2009 was not the greatest year, it was certainly no 2008!


     2008 ended.  That was a great start for 2009.  Of course even 2009 started five minutes late.  I had just returned from Qingdao (my favorite city and future home) two days earlier and journeyed into Seoul for an impromptu Hash with a couple of visiting Okinawa Hashers.  I ended up by myself at the Grand Ole Opry which did their midnight countdown five minutes late. 2008 was bad enough on its own; it didn't need to be extended by being a Leap Year and having a honky-tonk bar DJ giving it another five minutes.  I took a taxi to Kangnam Station and caught what was probably the last 5003 bus home, arriving at 0130.  That was my introduction to 2009.
     You have to understand that I don't have a history of having really good New Year's.  My worst was certainly 2007-2008.  My best is a tie between the New Year's Cooter and I were snowed in in K-town and the New Year's Wan-soo and I spent on the 5005 bus.  1999-2000 had it's moments, too.  I especially enjoyed the next day.  
     The year had a blissfully mellow beginning.  A new bar opened in my neighborhood, the Can House.  It's a pretty decent little joint.  It gave me and the Bottom of the Hill Boys a place to call our own.  That all changed when my school of low standards hired Kat in March.  This beast is an ill-mannered bore of a human being.  He is the embodiment of every negative stereotype about English teachers in Asia in existence.  He is the local leper.  He has all but emptied the Can of its foreign clientele.  The same goes for other local businesses.  The owners know it, but most people fear this raging pile of psycho-ignorance.
    My winter camp passed quickly but without giving me the same bright spot it had the previous winter.  Camp ended, and I got the heck out of Dodge.  I still had some work leftover from a my Second Language Acquisition course I had started in the fall of 2008.  This required that wherever I went for my vacation, I had to stick close to someplace where I could get my craptop online.  I wound up in Bangkok for the umpteenth time.  I did nothing but run and drink with the Hashers in the evenings and work on my final paper in the mornings for a couple of weeks.
    I completed my paper on the Malaysian island of Lankawi.  I was ripped off on the train from Bangkok and was tossed off of a boat (engine trouble), but I had reached my goal.  Five days of doing nothing but enjoying the sand and duty-free priced beer, I exchanged the beautiful, laid back beaches of Lankawi for the busy, grimy streets of Kaula Lumpor.  The rest of Malaysia charges a sin tax on their booze.  That was not fun for me or my wallet, although I'm sure my liver appreciated the short reprieve.
    I managed to get in two trails during my five days there.  I even ran with the Mother Hash!  I have never been more lost while on trail.  I stumbled through pitch-black jungle for hours searching for the four-inch squares of paper they mark their trails with.  Four-inch squares of paper don't disappear as easily as flour, chalk or even shredded paper.  I learned this the hard way when I accidentally stumbled onto an old trail.  I floundered in the darkness until I finally emerged from the jungle onto the side of a mountain in the process of being carved out for a housing development on the farthest out new suburb of KL.  It was hell, but it was fun.  The people, the circle, the food, and the Tiger more than made it worthwhile.
    I returned to Bangkok to wait for my first non-blood visitors in my then seven years in Korea.  E-boy and Brett were coming to see me!  We met up in Bangkok where we got into some fairly crazy adventures for a few days.  We took a taxi almost two hours north of Bangkok to Ataya for the wedding of one of E's old friends.  The occasion even brought in a couple of E's people whom I knew.  It was my first Thai wedding, and it was incredible.  Although at four hours, I don't know that I'm up for another too soon.  E picked up an wicked eye infection somewhere along the way that diminished his capacity for the remainder of the trip.  Brett's gut took a turn once they met back up with me in Korea.
     Brett and E-boy returned to the States as the first semester of the Korean school year got underway.  We added three people to our staff, one of which was the beast I previously mentioned.  We didn't need all of them as we didn't have enough classes to go around.  This would come back later to bite them in their collective arses.
     Mom had retired in December and decided to pay me a visit for a few weeks.  It wasn't all that exciting for her, because I had to work and study, but we were both really happy to spend some time together.  I hadn't studied much during the first half of the semester and had to bust some butt to make up for it.
    KNU made another bad decision this semester when we were told that we had to stay in country during the two weeks immediately following the end of the semester.  Their rationale behind this was that this is a rule for the Korean professors, and they wanted to treat us more like them.  My dispute that while they have to stick around for two weeks, they don't have to work the camps that we do half way through our vacation was ignored.
     The only positive event to come of this was that I was in country when one of my good Qingdao friends, Clam Terrorist, came over to visit for almost two weeks at the end of the semester.  I took him out to the east coast to hang out at Gangneung for a few days.  We drank many beers and ate some shrimp and dead animals.  Clam returned home on the ferry as I took to another Seoul Hash trail. 
     I flew back to Oklahoma for a short summer visit after doing Osan Bulgogi H3's Fourth of July trail.  I only spent a month there.  I couldn't shake the shackles of KNU's summer camp again, so I was stuck trimming more than three weeks from my usual U.S. visit.  With more and more of my people settling down into real jobs and family life, I am able to see less and less of them when I do pop in to the States.  The weekdays were mostly spent lounging around with Mom and Dad and taking Arlo for walks.  The weekends were when I met up people or simply got out of the house.  Mom and I took a road trip up to Joplin, MO for a weekend.  We loaded the HHR with cases of wine from our favorite Altus, AR wineries. 
     Brett, E-boy, Jen, Kat, and I camped out at Foss Lake for Christmas in July.  For two lazy and hazy days, we tooled around the lake on Brett's pontoon boat.  Nick's birthday was that weekend, so we caught up with him at Paradise.  I also ran into Lenny, whom I hadn't seen in a decade.  Chuck Norris!
    I did two lake weekends in a row, riding up with L-Ron, Naureen, Goob, and Bob to her parents' house on Grand Lake.  The brothers took a shot a fishing.  I relaxed in the semi-clean (for an Oklahoman lake) water.  L-Ron had scored some fun toys to explode in the late afternoon.
     Although I didn't see nearly as many people as I usually do when I go back, I did get to spend more time with most of the ones I did see, although I did only get to hang with GG and Antone once.
     Cooter drove out to for a week or so.  I hadn't seen him since L-Ron and Naureen's wedding two years before, so it great to finally catch up with me hermano.  He rebuilt a few old bicycles with Brinkley's help. 
     My last night in the States was far and away the wildest.  Mom, Dad and I drove up to OKC to stay the night at our usual motel on S. Meridan.  Brett met us there.  I traded my normal farewell dinner at a Mexican restaurant for something a bit more special to mark this occasion.  L-Ron, Cutitz, Chuck, and John came out to the Shogun Japanese Steakhouse to say goodbye to me and...my hair!  After dinner Mom plugged in a pair of clippers into the HHR as Cutitz braided my hair.  I bent over, and Mom sliced through 17 years of hair, saving the braid.  Dad didn't want to be left out, so she shaved him next.  I was on the verge of my 33rd birthday and had had the same haircut for more than half of my life.  The time for change had come.  I can now shower in less than five minutes when I must.  I can wear hats again.  Mom sent over a pair of clippers I had found online.  Now I shave my head every other Friday.  It is strange as I still try to pull my hair back when putting on headphones that wrap around the back of my head.  I tried playing with my missing ponytail for several weeks once I got back.  It is an interesting change for me.  Of course now everywhere I go, people think I'm military.  I wish.  Then I could buy cheese and play with guns in Korea.  

     I came back to another visitor.  Stray Dog of the Qingdao H3 paid me a visit.  He had to change his visa and choose to come here to do it.  He didn't have a lot of time, but managed to get in some brew and dead animal. 
    My fall was mostly dominated by frustration with the two MSEd courses I took this semester.  I finished both on time, scoring an A+ and an A.  This brings my GPA up to 3.333.  This leaves me with only nine hours to complete.  I enrolled in six this upcoming spring and will knock out the capstone project course next fall.  I have to give a presentation on the school's campus next winter.  This will be my next visit to the States and will mark my first and last appearance on SU's campus.
     The year had a great ending.  Brett flew over at the end of the semester.  He and I journeyed to Thailand and Cambodia, hitting Bangkok, Siem Reap, Phnom Penh, and Phuket.  I finally Hashed with the Phnom Penh H3.  They've got a great pack.  I realized that the reason I missed them a few years ago was because I had mistakenly gone to a train station in Siem Reap.  I was the victim of too much happy pizza.  The day after the Hash was to be our last in Cambodia.  I spent it in bed.  Yes, I drank a bit the previous night, but no, that was not what did me in for the day.  It took me all day to figure it out, but I came to the conclusion that I had come down with the flu.  Luckily I always plow my way through flu viruses with the quickness, so I was fine and dandy in time for our flight the next morning back to Bangkok.
     I didn't figure that Koh Phangan's  New Year's Eve/Full Moon Party would bring in the crowd it did, so we lost out on securing timely transportation to and from the island. We did watch a 360-degree view of fireworks blasting around the roof of our hotel, the D&D Inn. 

     I made one or two clumsy stabs at reinserting myself into the dating world which failed or fizzled pretty quickly.  Two years of being mostly single will probably come to an end this year.  I don't know how yet, but that's usually how it happens with/to me.  I am pretty picky and difficult to put up with. 


    The insomnia I have managed to control most of my life got really weird over the past two years (it's almost 0400 as I type this).  But I get by.  I drag some days.  I nap some days.  I figure that if a lack of sleep is my worst physical ailment, I can't complain. 

     That was my 2009.  Not the best of times, but certainly not the worst of times. 

     And what does 2010 have in store for this Ninjalo Hasher?  If I don't screw up too badly, I will finish my MSEd TESOL at the end of the year.  I'm going to the Philippines (actually, I'm already there, procrastination apparently hasn't ended for me yet 1/28).  I'll see Mom, Cooter, Cheeri, and Voice this summer at my first InterHash in Borneo along with a number of Korean Hashers from my home kennels.  I'm going to have to get a new passport this spring, because I have nearly filled the second set of insert pages in my first.  I'm going back to Oklahoma for my first winter since 2003-04. 

     It looks to be another year of insane adventures in the Far East.  I hope to find more of you on Skype so that we can keep up a little better, because you all know how bad I am with email and much worse with Facef*ck.  Besides, Skype is free! 

     I don't have a lot in the way of resolutions for the year.  I will stop using my studies as an excuse for not exercising.  If I get stumped in my work, I'll go for a walk or do something.  I want to make it to more Hashes than I did in 2008.  I also need to Hare more at Southside (SOUTHSIDE!) and Seoul.  Finally, I want to write more and really get this blog thing going. 

That's really about all I have to say for now.  I do hope that all of you and yours had an incredible 2009 and a 2010 that blows it away.  

Peace and Much Clown Luv to All,

on-on,

Nut 'n Bone